What a week! Surgery complete, family and friends visited, and starting to get some energy back. The surgeon said everything went well. I’ve been on a lot of pain meds so I apologize if my texts or phone calls haven’t made much sense. 😉 Definitely a Thanksgiving to remember.
The day before surgery is filled with feelings that are hard to describe. When people have been asking how I’m feeling, I usually say I’m feeling every emotion equally as strong as the next- excited, scared, nervous, relieved, anxious… all of those at the same intensity.
Because of a generous friend, Rob and I were able to spend last night and today at a resort in Amish country. Our trip included a massage for me yesterday (a suggestion by another woman who had this done and said that a back massage will never feel as good again). Co-workers, I know I was supposed to use your gift for parking and gas, etc at the hospital. But a massage sounded so much better… so I indulged.
And how about the Steelers- they pulled out a win for me yesterday, too. 🙂
Today we walked around Berlin, OH with an awesome find at an antique store that I’ll talk about another day. And thanks to my mom, the girls had a regular school day and are finishing up their evening routine now. We’re all doing our evening routine. But preparing for an unusual day tomorrow.
The surgeon called me this afternoon to see how I was feeling and answer any last-minute questions. She encouraged me again and reinforced that everything is going to be great tomorrow. My arrival time for tomorrow is 5:30 am. I’d typically think that was way too early, but I’m pretty sure I won’t be sleeping anyway. I don’t have an exact surgery time, but since I have to be there so early I’m guessing the surgery should start pretty early. It should take 8 hours. So by tomorrow evening/night I’ll try to have Rob post something on here so that everyone knows I’m doing well. 🙂
Prayer requests might seem obvious, but I’ll list them anyway. Pray that the girls are not too worried as they try to stay busy at school. Pray that Rob feels at peace during the long hours of waiting at the hospital. And, of course, that the surgery goes well without too much pain afterwards. I’m looking forward to posting on here again soon with all good news.
Love and hugs to you all.
Sometimes things can really jump out as being an answer to prayer. This past week, I had one of those moments and I really wanted to share with everyone.
Every single parent reading this knows that you always worry more about your kids than yourself. With my surgery scheduled for Tuesday, I was putting a lot of thought into what my girls would be doing that day. Last weekend, I realized that Olivia had been asking several times about details for tuesday and what time things would be happening. I paused for a moment and said, “Are you ok with everything, Olivia?” and she broke down. Not in an 11-yr old dramatic way. But in a soft, sweet, innocent way as she just said, “I’m scared.”
I hugged her and said “tell me what scares you about this?” and her response was “because of what happened with Mariah’s mom.” Remember that Mariah is her friend whose mom went in for mastectomy surgery and passed away 3 weeks later from an infection. So no matter what I could say to her, there’s no way to take that thought out of her little mind. I reassured her as much as I could and prayed with her.
Then, one night later, I had to break the news to her that her classmate passed away. Keith had been fighting a form of childhood cancer for several years and we knew that it would be happening soon. But man, seeing those giant tears roll down my baby’s face was heartbreaking. A while later, she said “I feel like I’m still sad about Mariah’s mom and now I’m sad about Keith on top of it. I wish the sadness wasn’t so close together.”
So here I am, worried about her for days, wondering if I should send her to school onTuesday to distract her (she didn’t want this at first because Mariah was in school when her mom died and got called to the office to leave.) Or maybe I should let her come to the hospital, though that’s a long stressful day even for adults to wait. I even thought maybe I’d have her grandma take her out for a fun day instead of school… but then Liana might feel left out.
So on Wednesday I came home from work and told Olivia that we should sit and talk about plans for Tuesday. Her response, given through bright eyes and a big smile, was “Oh yeah, I have to go to school that day! I’m really excited to go!!” She went on to explain that there was a famous author coming to her class and their class is going to read her upcoming book and help edit it! That the author wants feedback from children who are the age of the target audience. And in some way (at least what Olivia said), their class will be credited when the book is published. Side note- she keeps mentioning that the author’s husband is British and will be there too, and she’s so excited to hear his accent.
If you know me well, you know what my next step was- contact that author and let her know what this means to us. So I found her email online and sent a message to her and to Olivia’s teachers. It explained my upcoming surgery and let them know this wasn’t just another school activity, this was an answer to prayer.
The author’s name is Shelley Pearsall. She wrote back to me- that same day. She thanked me for the email and said that it meant a lot to her. You see- she’s a breast cancer survivor! She had a bilateral mastectomy last year! This is her first time back to work with students since her time off for treatment. So she understands this in a much deeper way than most. I couldn’t believe what I was reading. Crazy, isn’t it?!
So, lift your jaw and catch your breath. Then go buy a book written by Shelley Pearsall, knowing she is a special woman and will be helping my daughter on a day full of anxiety. I’m so thankful i know my daughter will be taken care of that day in the most perfect way.
10 days from now will be the last big hurdle in this craziness… reconstruction is scheduled! Back in April, I was told this might not ever happen. But I healed well from that infection, I’ve stayed healthy and strong, and my oncologist and plastic surgeon are both confident that I will be able to handle reconstruction well.
So November 20th, 2018 will be another turning point. And November 20th, 2017 was my last day of treatment. I like it. It makes sense. One year to the day!
For those of you not interested in too many details, please pray that I don’t get any sickness in the next 10 days and that surgery goes well. Know that I’m extremely excited and nervous at the same time. It’ll be hard, but worth it in the end.
For those of you who do want more details, here goes….
The procedure I will have is called a bilateral latismuss dorsi flap reconstruction. Because of my treatments so far, tissue damaged from radiation, and body type, this is the only type of reconstruction I can do. I had 4 different opinions and they all said the same thing… which was reassuring.
The procedure is complicated but pretty fascinating. Basically, they take the entire latissmus dorsi muscles from my back (the large muscle below the shoulder blade) and tunnel them under my skin around to my front. Those muscles become the blood supply and some of the mass of the reconstructed breasts. Behind that, they will put expanders that are gradually filled over time so that my skin stretches slowly. The surgeon said that my other back muscles will compensate for the missing latissmus muscles and the only activities that may be difficult in the future are golfing, rowing, and using crutches… and since I don’t plan on doing much of those I should be fine.
I will be in the hospital for 4 days and require 8 weeks off of work. Recovery will be rough and I heard it’s really painful. But so many women who have had this done say that it’s totally worth it. And I’m hoping that in another year or so, I’ll be totally recovered and saying the same thing.
Let the countdown begin…
I remember so many times last year that I would look in the mirror trying to find myself. I was bald and skinny and barely recognized myself some days. When I felt most like a stranger, I would get close to the mirror and find my eyes- staring into them and blocking out everything else. Because my eyes were always “me”.
Even now, with my weight back to normal, I just haven’t gotten used to the dark curls.
So on Wednesday I went for a new (“old”) look. I got my hair highlighted so it looks blonde again… and I straightened it. The layers are still choppy until they grow a little more. But I see “me” again! It’s so strange to not recognize yourself. And such a relief to find yourself again.
Liana said “you look like Aunt Trisha”! Thank you, Liana. What a compliment!
Scars in the Sunlight 