Tomorrow is round #3 of chemo. I’ve heard it’s usually a tough one, so I’m not looking forward to it. These days/weeks are definitely like a roller coaster. The physical and emotional effects change from day to day, and a lot of the recovery is managing one side effect to the next. These last couple of days leading up to treatment are when I’m feeling best. The sunshine helped boost my spirits even more today. I had a pretty normal day at work and then got in a run this evening while the sun was still out. I’m so thankful to work with supportive, wonderful women. If you’re reading this and wondering what to pray for, I’d ask for prayers that I’m able to stay hydrated well through the weekend. And that the girls get through their “normal” weekend activities (dance, cheer, celebrations) without too much disruption. Their sweet spirits are good for the soul. :)Also, Friday is Rob’s birthday. So I’m hoping I feel well enough for most of the day to enjoy celebrating this man who is helping me through the hardest thing we’ve done together. Thanks for all the kindness and love, everyone!!
Category Archives: Update
February 28 Update
A lot has happened since round #2 of chemo on Thursday. Thursday night Rob buzzed off my hair for me (with some “help” from the girls). It was emotional, but it was falling out and I wanted to cut it off while I felt physically ok and before the chemo side effects set in over the weekend. Friday, Trisha was here hanging out when I got the best heart-warming surprise visit from 2 of my life-long friends from PA (Megan Nagel and Carly Caruso). Never thought I would be saying that the day after chemo was one of my favorite days ever. It was beautiful outside… a nice way to get used to a bald head. We had lunch at Market District (because you all know I love that place) and looked at old photo albums from middle school. Nothing like wonderful memories (and crazy fashion photos) to get your mind off of an illness. Saturday, I got another visit from my dear friend Mindy Brisbane Vickers, and started feeling the side effects so I slept most of the day. Trisha and I already had tickets to Disney on Ice with the girls, so the wonder-woman she is somehow managed to get our 4 girls ready and packed for the show in Pittsburgh, and get me to the show while I slept in the car. I woke up for the show, then slept on the drive back home. I’m so thankful I had that time with the girls… it was a great experience. My mom brought the girls and me home where I slept away the rest of the weekend through Monday while she helped around the house and preoccupied our kids. The bone pain this time seemed a little more intense and I’ve had a harder time with nausea/eating. My fatigue has lasted longer, too, but that’s expected. I went to work for part of the day today, trying to wear my wig for the first time. Thankfully, I have amazing friends at work who help me and cover for me when I can’t last a whole day. Thank you again to everyone who has sent cards and messages and everything. I’m feeling loved; which is a much needed balance to this physical crumminess.
February 13 Update
Hey everyone. Just wanted to let you all know I’m doing well. Feeling more like myself today after sleeping away most of the weekend. I’m learning the balance of the meds and their side effects- like that nausea meds knock me out for a few hours. Better to sleep than to be sick though. 🙂 I so appreciate everyone’s texts and messages the day of my treatment and through the weekend. It was hard to respond to everyone, but know that I read them all and love hearing from people. My friend also started a gofundme page yesterday. I don’t know how to show appreciation for that… it’s so beyond generosity that I expected. I’m thankful to everyone who has contributed to easing the financial burden for us, and mostly for allowing us to have some sense of normalcy for our girls. Words are not enough…
Good Day
Today was a really good day. It’s the first day that felt good since my diagnosis 2 weeks ago. Though I didn’t sleep much last night, I was excited to wake up this morning. I started with an early morning haircut- with a great friend who got hers cut short, too. Then headed to meet a special group of friends for brunch. It felt so comforting to be surrounded by friends and be able to laugh and enjoy their company. Then we just hung out at home with the girls doing regular Saturday things- coloring with Liana, watching Olivia do her cartwheels and dances. The girls had a friend’s sleepover tonight so Rob and I had a nice evening of dinner and a movie (both with coupons which made it even sweeter). I needed a day like today- no medical procedures, not much pain or discomfort from my port anymore, and a true feeling of contentment that I’ve been missing. I’m sure it’s fleeting, but I’ll enjoy it while it’s here.
January 30 Update
Thank you all for the messages and prayers today. It was long, but good. The port placement was actually really cool. Painful, but neat to watch them doing it (it was just a local anesthetic). The surgeon even turned the monitors toward me so I could see them better and watch what he was doing. They also had a nurse there to hold my hand and scratch my face if anything was itchy during the procedure! It was a really great surgical team. Then I had my chemo teaching… so i know what to expect for treatment. I’ll list the schedule below so that if you’re not interested in details you don’t have to read the whole post. 😉 Last was the biopsy of some lymph nodes- on the side opposite of the port placement. So I’m sitting at home with ice packs on both arms trying to relax. My mom and Rob were both there to help with everything today.
Best story of today- I was laying on the bed while the nurse was prepping me for the biopsy. I happened to look over at the pocket of her scrub top that had a small label on it. Guess what that brand label said- “Liana”. No joke! Who knew that was a brand of scrubs?! It was not a coincidence, i know that. It reminded me of why I have to be ok with this (and thankful it’s me going through it and not one of my children.) Like my friend Megan reminded me this morning- every step I take forward is one closer to putting cancer behind me. It helped me feel much more relaxed going into everything today, anxious but eager to take each step. Sorry that I don’t have time to write thanks and replies to everyone, but know that I’m reading and cherishing every message and card I’ve received. I feel so loved.
Chemo schedule:
I will start next Thursday 2/9. I’ll be given a combination of 2 drugs every other week for 2 months. I think they said around week 2 is when I’ll lose my hair. (at least i won’t have to shave my legs!) There are a ton of potential side effects- we’ll see which ones my body responds with. (ugh… none of them are much fun.)
After those 2 months, I’ll start a different drug weekly for 3 months. It’s not as hard on the system and shouldn’t have as many side effects. So after 5 months I should be done with the drugs and wait a few weeks after that to plan for surgery. That is determined by my lab results from genetic testing and how much the cancer shrinks with chemo.
This week: EKG on Thursday morning for a baseline. (chemo can have some negative affects on the heart) and MRI on my liver on Friday evening (not a concern, just ruling out a probable benign cyst that is common for women “my age”– I still haven’t figured out if that means I’m young or old).
Love and hugs to you all! 🙂
John 14:27 “Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you.” (This was going through my mind all day.)
January 28 Update
Originally Posted on 1.28.17
Hi everyone. Thank you all for the prayers during the week and especially yesterday. The amount of relief I felt when I heard the bones and other organs were clear is unexplainable. I had some moments of feeling “almost normal” last night. I had a wonderful lunch out with Trisha and a friend, and visits from other friends in the evening. So now I know a little more about what my walk through this will look like. Monday I will have my port placed, do a chemo class, and they want to biopsy one of my lymph nodes. After that, I assume I’ll know my treatment schedule.
Everyone asks how I am…. I’m ok. Not great but not depressed. Sometimes very anxious and sometimes a little more relaxed and trusting that this all has a purpose beyond me. It seriously depends on what minute you ask me during the day. Last week, I was mostly just consumed with worry that it had spread. My parents were here to spend some time which was great (with the exception of the Steeler loss) Since yesterday afternoon, I notice a different feeling that brings me to tears at times. The best I can describe it is that I’m grieving the loss of my healthy body. I’m planning (physically and emotionally) to not feel well. I’ve always been physically active and healthy and never any problems. It makes me sad to think many weekends will be spent laying on the couch. And weekdays I may barely have energy to get through the day. Of course, everyone responds differently and maybe it won’t bring me down too much. I already have a friend lined up to hold me accountable to keep moving… even if its just short walks around the block. It’s a strange feeling to plan for this… and I suddenly want to get everything checked off my to-do list. But I also want to just enjoy time with my family. It’s a tough balance on a regular day, let alone when you have this kind of issue on top of everything.
My girls are doing ok. We share information with them on their level and they seem to be dealing with it well. Rob… I always knew I married the best guy and, man has he shown it this week. He works hard, comes to my appointments, and does everything around the house just so I’m not stressed out about it. He/we will be calling on friends to help with the girls when I’m not feeling well. We have had so many offers to help and we will be taking you all up on it when the time comes. Please pray for him this weekend (since nothing new is happening with me anyway)- I know it’s hard for him to think of me going through this and to see me sad when I have my breakdowns.
I fully expect to recover from this and one day look back on what an experience it was. But standing at the beginning of this road, knowing the challenge ahead, is very overwhelming.
“A smooth sea never made a skilled sailor.”
Scars in the Sunlight 